Losing My Wallet, Finding My Soul

In the Spring of 1978, I was in New Orleans attending Loyola University and flirting with the idea of a priestly vocation. Sister Fara Impastato OP was one of my instructors whose “Religions of the World” class I was taking at that time. This experience led me to some great travels and practical ways to better manage money, as well as to better understand the purgative, illuminative, and unitive stages of spirituality from my own Christian perspective and that of other faith walks.

One of the books we were reading for Sister Fara's course before Easter was "Seven Storey Mountain" by the late Thomas Merton OCSO. I was really intrigued by his contemplative spirituality as I had never considered that type of an emphasis for a possible vocation with a religious order.

 Horcasitas on retreat at Monastery of the Holy Spirit, Conyers Georgia, Easter 1978All around me were many great examples of an active priestly ministry, such as with the Jesuits at Loyola – the one affiliated with Pope Francis – and I was very involved in social justice and music ministry because of their influence. I had also gotten to know the Holy Cross priests through our chaplain at De La Salle High School and the order's House of Studies nearby to some buddies on Audubon Street in Uptown New Orleans.

After doing some research, I found out that Merton's religious order known as the Cistertians of the Strict Observance, more familiarly known as Trappists, had a monastery in Conyers, Georgia (Monastery of the Holy Spirit). It was not as far from New Orleans as it was from Gethsemani, Kentucky, where Merton had lived. I wondered if their contemplative emphasis in a ministry, based a lot upon the monastic life through The Rule of St. Benedict, might be what God was calling me to?

Being on a low college budget, I arranged for a Greyhound bus trip from New Orleans to Conyers during our Easter spring break. It was exciting to anticipate spending Holy Week with the monks who were known to not speak much because of their vows of silence. I only experienced this once before through the Spiritual Exercises given by the Jesuits at Manresa Retreat House in Convent.

Arriving at the rural secluded monastery with a gated entrance and surrounded by beautiful landscaping, as well as some hills was a relief. I hadn't been able to get comfortable when trying to sleep while seated in the bus. I had put my wallet in my back pocket, like most guys do, but I had trouble keeping it in place with my attempts at cat naps.

After meeting Brother Francis, the monastery host, and being assigned to a private room, as well as being given a schedule for the upcoming Holy Week days, I decided to volunteer to help with any duties that may be needed. Brother Francis made me think of St. Francis of Assisi, as he was so gentle, kind, and peaceful in demeanor and very sincerely humble. He let me do some housecleaning and vacuuming of rooms.

The next three day were truly humbling, as I got to spend the Triduum - Holy Thursday evening's Mass of the Lord's Supper, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday / Easter Vigil with some very holy, human, and simple monks. In addition to joining them in waking very early for morning prayers and other times of shared prayer and Mass, I spent time in spiritual guidance with a priest.

Being with the monks for that whole retreat experience and other subsequent active and contemplative involvements helped me to further discern that God was calling me to a vocational faith walk as a lay married person who still tries to daily incorporate both an active and contemplative ministerial outreach and lifestyle.

After I got home from the wonderful Trappist retreat, I unfortunately discovered that I had lost my wallet on the Greyhound bus and it was never recovered. Sure, I had to get a new driver's license and had lost a few bucks but I learned to put my wallet in my front pocket – which I still do today.

The summers of 1978 and 1979 were also filled with some great other types of “retreats." I did one month of volunteer outreach each of those years with other lay volunteers with the Eucharistic Missionaries of St. Dominic, Sister Fara's Order, in Yscloskey and Scott Louisiana. I reached out to individuals and families in need.

I graduated with a bachelor's degree in social work from Loyola, Dominican, and Xavier Universities. Before going to graduate social work with an emphasis in gerontology at San Diego State University I was blessed to be able to do a one-year volunteer stint with the Jesuit Volunteer Corps in psychiatric outreach to home-bound and nursing home residents in Porterville, California.

God blessed me with marriage to my college sweetheart and three wonderful children. Maria and I celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary on the day before the Feast of St. Ignatius (July 31, 2013).

God has so richly blessed me over the years with so many neat and varied work opportunities, administrative and clinical, with the elderly. The individuals whom I have been privileged to work with have taught me so much more about active and comtemplative living – especially the dependent and isolated ones. Truly, my grandparents have also left an indelible mark of influence like this upon me as well.

I may have temporarily lost my “identity” on the Greyhound bus in returning from that Trappist Retreat trip back in 1978, but I certainly gained so much then and countless other times since that time in learning and understanding more how to identify with Jesus Christ's call to all of us to “Come away for awhile” (Mark 6:31) daily, pick up our crosses (and lost, empty only fully filled by him wallets - Luke 9:23) and follow Him!

“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?” (Matthew 16:26)